The Only Reason That Matters
by sandie.eggo
Summary: Written for a prompt over at LJ based on the How I Met Your Mother Episode: The Naked Man.
1. The List

Rating: **R **for language and adult themes (sex)

Disclaimers: I do not own Inception or How I Met Your Mother.

**Author's Note:**

I don't think it's completely necessary to have watched this show or this particular episode to understand this fic, but it probably helps. And, it's just a really good show and the particular episode this fic is based on is really funny. I recommend watching or at least getting the gist of the episode. I've also referenced another episode, The Playbook, as well as used some other HIMYM references in this fic. I also made a brief Titanic reference because I couldn't help myself.

The tone and POV for this fic switches and for that I apologize. This is both longer and shorter than I anticpated writing.

Lastly, in my mind (and in this fic), Eames is Barney, Yusuf is Robin, Cobb is Ted, and Ariadne and Arthur are Lilypad and Marshmallow.

Enjoy! :)

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><p>Chapter 1: The List<p>

Despite their usual after work bar being packed with students and pre-partying club-goers, the 'dream team' members are able to find their usual table and sit down to unwind from a long day of planning and plotting. Tonight however, four drinks are ordered instead of five: a glass of the house red, two Belgian lagers, and a glass of Glenfiddich, neat. Yusuf's is the drink that's missing, but that's because he finally found the nerve to ask out the attractive little barista from his favorite coffee shop and they are currently out on a date.

That's a fact that Eames finds worthy of celebration.

"To Yusuf," he toasts during their second round, "no man is more deserving of getting laid tonight than he, poor bastard." He takes a swig from his pint, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand.

The rest of the team looks to him with varying degrees of interest.

"What? He is deserving, ya know. The only pussy he's gotten to know intimately in recent memory is that damn cat of his."

That makes the other three groan in distaste.

"It's just a first date, Eames." Arthur takes a sip of his scotch, relaxing back in his seat by casually placing his arm over the backrest of the booth.

"And Yusuf is a gentleman," Ariadne adds, distractedly. Her attention is on a booth of girls eying their table. As a warning to them, she sidles closer to Arthur.

"So what?" Eames scoffs. "That doesn't mean he can't have sex tonight if he wants. A man has needs, as does a woman. As far as I'm concerned, sex is never out of the question as long as two people—or three—are willing." He's caught sight of the booth of girls Ariadne was watching earlier. His wink their way elicits a few titters. "I say damn your old-fashioned views, Yusuf can have sex tonight if he wants and I won't judge him for it!"

"I know it's been a while, but from what I recall the concept of a first date is nerve-wracking enough. Wouldn't throwing sex into the mix just up the anxiety and awkwardness levels that already accompany it?" Cobb asks, grabbing a handful of peanuts from the center of the table and popping a few in his mouth.

"Well, of course, but that's only if you're going about it the wrong way."

Cobb pauses in the middle of popping more peanuts into his mouth. "You mean there's a right way of bringing up sex on a first date?"

"Of course." Eames smiles, unrepentantly. "Do you want to hear how?"

"Yes, do tell." Ariadne places her elbows on the table and her chin in her hands, her dreamy smile highlighted by the flush in her cheeks as she eagerly awaits Eames' explanation. Beside her, Arthur frowns.

"Sure, tell us about the debauched method you've schemed up that gets someone to sleep with you on the first date. The sooner you do, the sooner I can kill off those brain cells that heard it." Cobb dusts off his hands before leaning back in his seat with his lager.

That earns a smirk from Eames.

"What about you Arthur? Do you think you're ready to receive a precious pearl of my wisdom?"

Arthur makes a great show of studying his half empty glass. "If by that you mean do I think I've compromised my common sense and reasoning skills enough that I can listen to some of your bullshit, then yes."

The comment makes Cobb snort and Ariadne giggle.

"Oh, ha, ha. Laugh if you must now, but you won't be laughing after I tell you about one of the greatest maneuvers in the history of men attempting to get laid. Believe me, it's a good one."

"Is it a better than telling women that you're Richard Branson's son?"

"Or telling them that your penis grants wishes if they rub hard enough?"

"How can anything be better than telling some poor girl that you're her every dream and then using the PASIV to invade her dreams?"

"I only tried that one time! And that girl was a slush; she would've believed anything!" Eames pouts in his seat much to Cobb, Arthur, and Ariadne's amusement. "Maybe I won't enlighten you three if all you're going to do is criticize."

"C'mon, Eames. We're just teasing." Ariadne steps in to soothe his ego, reaching across the table to touch his arm. "We won't make fun anymore. Just tell us your maneuver."

"Well…" He hedges, eying them suspiciously but then just as quickly forgetting their slights. Leaning his arms on the table, he ducks his head down as if he's about to impart a great secret. This causes the other three to follow suit to hear what he has to say.

"Alright, if you want to know a sure-fire way to get someone to sleep with you during the first date, then you only need to remember these three words." Eames pauses for dramatic effect, looking each team member in the eye before enunciating each word slowly. "The. Naked. Man."

He leans back into his seat, looking smug with his revelation as everyone continues to hover near the center of the table in shared confusion.

"What the hell is 'the naked man'?" Cobb blurts out.

"I'm so glad you asked," Eames replies, enjoying the spotlight once more. "The Naked Man is a 'gambit', if you will, where at the end of a date a guy makes an excuse to go into his date's home to take advantage of a distraction, like asking for a glass of water for example, in order to remove his clothing and surprise his date with nakedness all in the hope of receiving sex."

Eames continues to look pleased with himself as the others sport varying facial expressions of contemplation and bewilderment.

Or in Arthur's case, a combination of disbelief and disgust.

"I was wrong," he announces, gulping down the rest of his scotch. "I didn't consume a sufficient enough amount of alcohol to prepare myself for hearing that load of crap. Congratulations." He reaches over the table to shake Eames' hand. "That is the single most stupid thing I've ever heard, and if anyone is dumb enough to have sex with you because it, it's probably because they feel sorry for you."

"I'd be more than okay with that," Eames shrugs, shamelessly. "Plus, it'd get me laid, which is the point."

"Now, wait a minute, Arthur. I don't know, it's kind of funny if you think about it. I think there may be some women who might go for it, and not just because of pity." Everyone turns to Cobb for further explanation. "I mean, one minute you're standing there in your clothes, the next you're completely naked. I don't know…if I were a woman and I saw a naked man in my living room I'd probably be surprised at first and laugh, but it might also make me…consider the possibility—

"You've got to be kidding me!" Arthur shakes his head.

"I agree with Cobb."

Arthur groans. "Not you too, Ariadne."

"Well, I'll admit, I first thought it sounded really weird and creepy…but, speaking as a woman …" she shrugs, warming up to the idea, "I don't know, I can see the humor in The Naked Man, too. I mean, the nude male form is pretty ridiculous when you think about it. Personally, I don't know how you guys walk around with those…" she gestures to their nether regions, "…things all the time."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this."

"Oh, I didn't mean you, Arthur!" Ariadne consoles. "I never feel like laughing when I see you naked. You're quite lovely."

"Yeah Arthur, you're as lovely as a flower in full bloom." Eames and Cobb share a prolonged snicker despite the death glare Arthur is sending their way.

"Plus, I think the element of surprise can really work for some people," Ariadne continues, seemingly unaware of Arthur's discomfort. "The spontaneity and audacity of it all is something that I can definitely see being advantageous towards one's hope of having sex. Don't you?"

Her seemingly innocent question aimed at Arthur makes Eames laugh. "Well, if that wasn't a thinly veiled hint for you to try The Naked Man, I don't know what is."

Arthur ignores both him and Ariadne. "I'm just going to chalk all this up to the alcohol talking, because if you were both completely sober there is no way either of you would think Eames' Naked Man would be a good idea." Arthur punctuates his disapproval by crossing his arms and frowning.

"Tsk, tsk. I'm disappointed in you Arthur. You're so quick to dismiss The Naked Man when you haven't even heard about how successful it is. How can it be stupid if it's guaranteed to work?"

"It works every time?" Cobb asks, astonished.

"Well, not exactly. In my experience it works every two out of three times. But two out of three times, _guaranteed_."

Arthur scoffs. "That's only a sixty-six percent success rate."

"Sixty-six percent, yes, but with _sixty-nine_ potential," Eames leers.

"Arthur's right. I'm not drunk enough to listen to any more of this." Cobb signals a waitress for another round.

"But you guys are missing the real genius of The Naked Man—

"You know, a woman would never say 'naked', 'man', and 'genius' in the same sentence," Ariadne interrupts, absently examining her now empty glass of wine.

"Yeah, well be that as it may, the real genius of The Naked Man isn't that it works most of the time—

"I wouldn't consider sixty-six percent of the time, most of the time," Arthur interjects.

"Yeah, well, whatever! Will you all just let me explain?"

"Go ahead."

"No one's stopping you."

"We're all waiting."

Eames waits a beat before he's satisfied he won't be interrupted. "Okay, then. As I was saying, the genius of The Naked Man isn't that it's fairly successful. Its genius lies in giving someone multiple reasons to sleep with someone else. And you three have hit all the main ones The Naked Man inspires: pity, humor, and sheer spontaneity. Oh, and nakedness, of course."

"Oh, good, just in time." The waitress brings their next round of drinks and Arthur takes a long pull off of his. "I apparently still don't have enough alcohol in me to think anything but that those are all stupid reasons to sleep with someone."

"I never said they were good reasons. They're just reasons. Are there even any truly good reasons to sleep with someone? I bet you can't come up with even one."

"Love."

"Aww, Arthur. That's so sweet." Ariadne loops her arm around Arthur's, smiling adoringly at him.

"Alright, I'll give you that one, but for every one good reason there's at least fifty others that are not so…gallant."

"I must be drunker than I thought because I actually want to hear these fifty reasons." Cobb's moved on from the bowl of peanuts to the one with pretzels.

"Me too." Ariadne adds, suddenly interested. "I'd like to see you try to come up with fifty because I can only think of…maybe a couple dozen off the top of my head."

All the men's brows are raised: one in consternation, one in surprise, and one impressed.

"Challenge accepted!" Eames raises his glass in the air and then chugs down the remainder of his lager. "Alright, I'll start with the obvious ones. Number one: it's your birthday. Number two: make up sex. Number three: breakup sex. Number four: getting back together after the break up. Number five: the condoms are about to expire. Number six—

"The condoms are about to expire?" Cobb nearly chokes on a pretzel.

"Yeah, what's that old saying? No condom left behind. Now, where was I? Oh yeah, six: revenge sex. Seven: there's nothing good on tv. Eight: you're in a foreign location/too far from home and need a place to stay. Nine: always a bridesmaid, never a bride sex. Number ten: you're sorry because you forgot a birthday/anniversary/name your special occasion. Eleven: that infection finally cleared up—

"This is making me sad," Arthur sighs.

"Twelve…twelve. Hmm, what's twelve?"

"Oh, I know! How about when your friend tells you about a new position you want to try?" Ariadne contributes.

"Yes! Yes!" Eames excitedly points in her direction. And then, looking directly at Arthur, "You're welcome, by the way."

"And number thirteen," Ariadne continues, "waiting for the cookies to finish baking."

This time, only two sets of men's eyebrows are raised in Ariadne's direction, both in amusement.

"What? It makes them taste even better afterwards." She looks to Arthur for agreement, but his ears are too busy turning red.

"Alright, at number thirteen we have 'baking confectionaries'. This list is shaping up rather nicely and we're only a quarter of the way there." Eames leans back in the booth, looking even more smug.

"We should write these down." Well into the spirit of the game, and more than slightly buzzed, Ariadne digs through her purse for a pen. "Does anyone have any paper? Oh, Arthur! Gimme your notebook!"

"Ariadne, don't encourage him—hey!"

With surprising quickness and dexterity, Ariadne's hand shoots into Arthur's suit jacket right to the spot where she knows he keeps his ever present pocket Moleskine, and pilfers it from him.

"Well, that was impressive," Cobb laughs.

"Okay, Eames, hold up a minute while I start this list. 'Fifty Reasons To Sleep With Someone'. Number one…"

"She's a keeper, Arthur," Eames comments while watching Ariadne furiously scribbling away. "Do yourself a favor and don't fuck it up."

"I wish I could write faster," Ariadne complains without acknowledging either Cobb or Eames' compliments. "I've just thought of reason number fourteen: all of your coworkers have left the workshop."

Arthur nearly spits out his drink. "Ariadne!"

"Oh, Arthur, I'm sure they've all guessed by now that we've had sex there," Ariadne waves off his indignation without looking up from her writing.

Both Cobb and Eames confirm this as they nod in sync from across the table.

"Though, technically, not all of _your_ coworkers had left."

"What!" Both Arthur and Ariadne look up at Eames, who shrugs.

"It's a big workshop. I had taken a nap in that corner behind Yusuf's chemical shelf. I think one of his chemicals has a smell that knocks you out because I can't remember—

"I can't believe you were there while we were…" This time, Ariadne is embarrassed enough that she can't finish her sentence.

"Believe me, I was more surprised than you two are now when I heard and _saw_ you two on Cobb's desk—

"Aww, man, really? Why _my_ desk?"

Both Arthur and Ariande guiltily avoid Cobb's gaze, but Arthur does manage to mumble, "It's the most comfortable."

"And sturdier than Yusuf's workbench. And cleaner than Eames' desk," Ariadne adds, rather unhelpfully.

Cobb turns his annoyance to Eames. "Why didn't you tell me they were going at it like rabbits in the workshop?"

"I only knew about that one time!" Eames defends, before addressing the embarrassed fornicators across the table. "Your sexual exploits are like the horny Goldilocks to our desks' three bears. I don't know whether to be impressed or disgusted. Eh, who am I kidding? I'm pretty impressed." Eames relaxes back into his seat, and as if the previous conversation didn't just happen, asks, "Are you ready yet, Ariadne? I've got the number fifteen reason to sleep with someone: the adrenaline's pumping because it's shark week…"


	2. The List Continues

Rating: **R **for language and adult themes (sex)

Disclaimers: I do not own Inception or How I Met Your Mother.

**Author's Greeting**: Thank you to those who've read and reviewed. I hope you enjoy the next two chapters!

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><p>Chapter 2: The List Continues<p>

One hour, a couple of drinks, and a few more instances of Arthur's ears turning red later, the team's list of 'reasons to sleep with someone' idles at number forty-six.

Most of the list was populated by Eames, whose ideas were creative if not esoteric and ridiculous. The consecutive reasons at twenty-two and twenty-three—being drunk at the office Christmas party, and because it's 'administrative personnel's day'—for instance, were unusual for Eames to suggest because he'd never worked in an office environment and as a British man, he did not celebrate the renamed North American holiday of 'secretary's day'.

He did reason to the group that those two things have never stopped him before, and that office drones, more so than anyone else, deserve more reasons to have sex than any other workforce group.

But as 'far-fetched' as those two reasons were, there was the occasional gem that was more ingenious than the rest, like number seventeen: to avoid answering the question, 'does this make me look fat?'. Others, like number forty-one, relied on crude word-play such as: you're down to your last cigarette and it should go out with a bang, _after you bang_. Still, many—mostly according to Arthur—were just plain distasteful, like number thirty-three: to correct your mistake of sleeping with the wrong twin sister.

And still there were some items that were easy to identify by contributor, like number twenty-five: because you're PMSing and there's no chocolate in the near vicinity; and number forty-two: the kids are finally asleep. That one actually came with the caveat that you also had to have enough energy for sex.

As the night wore on however, the reasons became much more difficult to come by.

"Hmm, this is getting really hard," Ariadne comments, staring at the last forty-six items she had written down.

"And that's number forty-seven." Eames points out.

Ariadne rolls her eyes, but nonetheless writes it down.

"Hey guys. I thought you'd all still be here."

"Hey Yusuf! What are you doing here? It's a little early to be done with your date, isn't it? Did it not go well?" Ariadne asks, full of concern.

"No, actually, it was going great." Beer in hand, Yusuf pulls up a chair to join the booth. "We had to cut it short because Laila's roommate called during dinner with some emergency and she had to go back home. But we both agreed that we were having a really good time and so we rescheduled. We're going out again tomorrow night."

"It sounds like you really like her," Ariadne smiles.

Yusuf grins back and reaches over for whatever peanuts Cobb didn't get to. "Yeah, I think I do. I know it's early, but I'm really hopeful for this relationship. She's really great and we get along well. We have the same sense of humor and everything."

"She sounds like the perfect candidate to unleash The Naked Man move on."

"Not again with The Naked Man!" Arthur bemoans.

Yusuf is unperturbed. In fact, he's amused. "So you told them about The Naked Man?" He smiles at Eames before asking the others, "So what do you guys think about the move?"

"If she doesn't call the cops first, then I think the inherent humor and spontaneity of it could work in a guy's favor," Ariadne replies.

"I agree with Ariadne, who also thinks all naked men aside from Arthur are hilarious. He's apparently glorious in the buff."

The table proceeds to enjoy the uncharacteristically jovial jibes of a still buzzed Cobb.

Everyone except Arthur, that is, who ignores the chuckles and makes his opinion of The Naked Man quite clear. "I think it's stupid."

Managing to stifle his amusement, Yusuf says, "While I do tend to agree with the majority who are in favor of The Naked Man working in certain situations, I'm actually going to side with Arthur for my current situation. The Naked Man is only guaranteed to work two out of three times, right? Well, those odds aren't good enough for me. Or for us, Laila and I. It wouldn't be right."

"Good for you Yusuf." Arthur pats him on the back. "Finally, a man with some integrity. That's what's been missing from this discussion tonight."

"Unless," Yusuf continues, "it turns out that she's got some fatal flaw or she turns out to be a horrible person who tortures little puppies. Then I'll try my luck with The Naked Man, and then good-bye."

Arthurs drops his head in defeat.

Yusuf's unapologetic. "I can't help it. She's pretty hot and I've been in a drought, man."

"There's my boy!" Eames reaches out to give Yusuf a high-five. "I knew I could count on you to step up for men everywhere who just want to get laid—which is all _real_ men, by the way. Long live The Naked Man!" Both toast their glasses and take a drink.

"Well, I think that's my cue to go home. As entertaining as this all was, my kids are probably still waiting up. Thank god they're still too young to know about dating. Not that I'm going to let them after this conversation."

"I'm guessing now then would be a bad time to tell you that the other day little Pippa asked me to be her boyfriend?" Eames grins.

Cobb blanches before wondering out loud, "Do you have to be Catholic to join a convent?"

"Wait up, Cobb. I'll split a taxi with you."

"You're leaving too?" Ariadne asks, watching Arthur leave her side.

"Yeah, I think all these drinks are getting to me. I feel a headache starting to form." Arthur leans down to give her a peck on the cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow. Will one of you make sure she gets home safely?"

Both Eames and Yusuf nod.

"Well, that's a first," Yusuf comments when Cobb and Arthur leave. "A _man_ using a headache as an excuse not to have sex—then again, he probably does have a headache," he backtracks quickly at Ariadne's frown.

"Maybe I should go, too." Her words are laced with a tinge of worry as she starts to rise from her seat.

"Leave him be, Ariadne." Eames stops her from leaving.

Ariadne's gaze lingers on Arthur as he follows Cobb out the bar.

"He's just being pissy because he wasn't imaginative enough to help contribute to our list. Don't worry, Arthur will be his same old uptight self in the morning, trust me. And who knows," Eames grabs the notebook from her, scanning through it, "maybe he'll surprise you with number…ah, here it is. Thirty-five: as an I.O.U for saying you had a headache when you didn't, sex."

"What's that you've got there?" Yusuf leans over to get a better look at the notebook. "'Fifty Reasons To Sleep With Someone'? You guys made a list?"

"Yes, and so far we've got forty-seven brilliant reasons. Help us come up with the last three."

Ariadne vaguely listens as Eames and Yusuf try to come up with the remaining items on the list, preoccupied instead with hoping that Eames is right and Arthur just needs some time to get over…well, whatever it is that's bothering him. And she's pretty certain something _is_ bothering him because the last time he gave her such a chaste kiss on the cheek was when he swore to her he wasn't mad that she accidently threw his favorite silk tie in the wash. That unfortunate event started their longest sexual drought to date.

For her sake, as well as for the others, she hopes Arthur won't take another week to get over whatever is bothering him.


	3. Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

Rating: **R **for language and adult themes (sex)

Disclaimers: I do not own Inception or How I Met Your Mother.

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><p>Chapter 3: Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder<p>

The next day Ariadne arrives at the workshop by nine, hoping Arthur will be there already and in a better mood. But he's not there; Cobb tells her he left to meet with one of his contacts and will most likely be out for the rest of the morning. She tries not to be too disheartened as she offers Cobb the to-go cup of coffee she had picked up for Arthur at his favorite café.

Disappointed that she missed him, she decides to immerse herself in her work while waiting for him to return. She's uninterrupted for the most part, except whenever the door to the workshop opened. Both times however, revealed only Eames and Yusuf.

It isn't until Cobb asks her if she wants to get lunch that she notices the time. Arthur still hasn't returned, nor has he contacted her or anyone else on the team. She knows better than to try to reach him while he's out meeting with one of his contacts but when she voices her concern, Cobb assures her not to worry.

But it isn't like Arthur not to tell her where he is or how long he'll be away. Nor is it like him to not spend the night with her. Ever since they started dating several months ago, they rarely spent the night apart. Luckily for her, Arthur is very thorough in all aspects of his life, and the bedroom was no exception. Just thinking about how thorough he can be makes Ariadne shift in her seat.

"Ariadne, are you coming?"

Nearly. And it was just like Eames to call her out on it too.

"Ariadne? Are you coming to lunch with us or not?"

Oh, Eames was asking her about food, not—

"Uh, no. I think I'll stay here and wait for Arthur."

"Do you want us to bring you back anything?" Yusuf asks.

"No, thank you. I'm not hungry."

She puts on a smile when as she watches them leave, noticing Cobb giving her a concerned look. When they're out of sight she lets out a sigh as she tries to refocus on her designs and _not_ on how creative the point man can be with his tongue.

She continues to pretend to be interested in her mazes until Arthur finally calls at half past four.

"Arthur! Are you okay? Where are you?" Her questions come out more frantic than she means them to be.

"Hey, you sound like you're expecting the worst. I'm fine. I'm with my contact."

"Still? When will you be back?"

"Uh, I'm not sure actually. Probably late. My contact says he can get me access to some of the mark's records, but we have to wait for the right time."

"Oh. Well, I…I guess that means you'll be missing out on that fantastic feast I was planning on making you tonight." She keeps her voice light, teasing. To be honest, her offer of cooking isn't much of an enticement; her cooking skills were basic at best, but she had to say something to distract herself from the increasing weight of disappointment.

She can hear the smile in Arthur's voice even as he says, "I'm sorry I'll be missing out on the feast. How about a raincheck?"

"Sorry, but this is a one-time deal. But maybe you'll finish early and you can still make it in time for dessert."

She's pretty sure Arthur understands she isn't referring to crème brulee, which is why she's disconcerted to hear the hesitation in his voice. "I'm sorry Ariadne, but I don't think this will be quick and easy. But I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

She stifles the urge to throw back the fact that he said the same thing to her yesterday, after he told her he had a headache. It surprises her how his prolonged absence has affected her. "Yeah, okay, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, tell the others. I'll see you soon."

"Wait! Arthur?"

"Yeah?"

She wants to ask him if he's upset with her, even though she knows she doesn't have any reason to think that. It's perfectly reasonable that he'd be away all day because of work and not because he's avoiding her or anything. "Be careful."

His voice is gentle when he says, "I will. I'll see you soon."

Ariadne frowns at her silent phone for several seconds, hoping that Arthur will call back saying that he changed his mind and is coming back. But the phone remains silent and when she looks up after a clearing of the throat, she sees three sets of male eyes staring straight at her.

"Is everything alright?" Cobb asks.

With an upbeat attitude that she's not feeling, she responds, "Yeah. Everything is fine. Arthur's contact is arranging for him to get access to some records tonight. He'll check back in tomorrow." Without the information Arthur is currently gathering, there is no point in continuing their work. Everyone starts packing up to leave.

A sudden urge to be not alone tonight overwhelms her. "Shall we all head to the bar early today?"

"Sorry Ariadne. I've got that date with Laila." Yusuf shrugs on his coat and heads for the door. "I've got to get ready."

Ariadne sincerely wishes him a good time before turning to Cobb and Eames. "So it looks likes it's just the three of us then."

"Actually, you'll have to count me out, too. I've also got a date."

"_You_ have a date?" Cobb questions Eames.

"Yes, _I _have a date. Are you forgetting that I am something of a ladies man?"

"And I'm the king of the world."

Eames raises a questioning brow.

"Self-proclamation doesn't make things true." Cobb smirks, making Ariadne laugh.

Eames shakes his head good-naturedly. "Don't wait up. I have a feeling The Naked Man is going to rise triumphant tonight." He gives them a wink before sauntering out the door.

"How is he not obligated to wear a warning sign everywhere he goes," Ariadne wonders out loud. Then, turning to Cobb with a smile, says, "So what do you say, Cobb? You and me. I'll buy the first round."

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass, too. Marie has a knitting circle she's meeting up with tonight. I promised her I'd be home early to take care of the kids. Hey, why don't you come over for dinner and hang out with us tonight?"

"Oh, no, that's alright. I'm just going to—

"Go home and continue moping over Arthur?"

"I haven't been moping!" she pouts, rather petulantly.

"Come on." Cobb grabs their coats before taking her hand and leading her out the door. Ariadne doesn't make much of a case for herself when she lets him direct her to his car without protest. "James and Philippa will be thrilled to see you. They're constant questions and demands that you bake them cookies will get your mind off missing Arthur."

Her frown at his astuteness is replaced by a laugh at the truth behind Cobb's words and the image of the two little balls of energy that she knows his kids to be.

"Well, I probably could use a dozen or more homemade cookies inside of me," she concedes.

"Just to be straight, when I say bake cookies, I mean just bake cookies, and not that other thing that's on your sex list."

Despite giving him a playful punch, Ariadne gives in to Cobb's infectious laughter.


	4. Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

Rating: **R **for language and adult themes (sex)

Disclaimers: I do not own Inception or How I Met Your Mother

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><p>Chapter 4: Out Of The Mouths Of Babes<p>

"What kind of cookies are we going to make, Ariadne?"

"Make chocolate chip! I want chocolate chip!"

"Where did you get your scarf? It's so pretty."

"Ari, what's your favorite dinosaur?"

"Are you going to stay and have dinner with us, too?"

"Ari, Ari, Ari. My favorite dinosaur is the bwontosaurus. I like his long neck. I want to slide down it."

"Ariadne, will you braid my hair?"

"Ari, did you know the bwontosaurus has flat teeth and only eats plants?"

"Hey, guys. Why don't we let Ariadne get through the door first, huh?"

It turns out that Cobb was right. The moment she stepped into the his household, or rather _tried_ to get into his household, she was bombarded with the excited squeals and questions of two tow-headed children who, after hearing Ariadne agree to bake cookies, were immediately sent into tailspins of childish delight.

James and Philippa's enthusiasm towards her presence also lifted her spirits and distracted her from thinking about Arthur throughout all of dinner and most of the cookie making process.

That is until Philippa started asking about him.

"Ariadne, why isn't Uncle Arthur with you?"

Ariadne looks up from helping James place dollops of dough on the baking sheet. She finds it a bit curious that the little girl asked why Arthur isn't with her specifically, and not why he isn't here with all of them in general. But then again, maybe she's reading too much into the seven year old's question.

"Uncle Arthur has to work tonight, which is too bad because he's going to miss out on these delicious cookies you guys are making." She smiles as James picks out a chocolate chip from the dough and cheekily pops it into his mouth.

"You should save some cookies for Uncle Arthur. That way you can share them with him later," Philippa announces, carefully dropping a ball of dough onto the baking sheet.

"Oh, I don't think there'll be any left. I think James and I could eat this whole tray by ourselves," Ariadne teases. "What do you say James?"

"Yeah! And can we make the cookies look like a bwontosaurus?" The little boy starts shaping his ball of dough into a little dinosaur blob.

"But Ariadne," Philippa puts her hands on tiny hips, "Uncle Arthur's your _boyfriend_. You _have_ to save some for him!"

"I do?"

"Yeah, that's what boyfriends and girlfriends do." Ariadne hides her amusement, fully expecting Philippa to emphasize the roll of her eyes with, "Duh!"

As for Cobb, his daughter's certainty on how boyfriends and girlfriends behave is enough to make him turn around from washing the dinner dishes at the kitchen sink.

"Oh. I guess I wasn't aware of that. How do _you_ know that?" Ariadne asks, still amused.

"Because that's what I do with my boyfriends."

A dirty dish slipping into a sink full of sudsy water produces a loud plop. "Boyfriends? What exactly are you doing with your boyfriends and just how many do you have?" Cobb has a worried look on his face as he wipes his still soapy hands on a dishtowel, walking over to the table like a concerned mother hen.

"Just two, daddy. There's Sammy from my class. He's my boyfriend because he's the cutest boy in class and at lunch time he shares his cookies with me and I share my apple slices with him. And at recess he always saves me a swing and he says I have pretty hair."

"And who's the other boy?" Cobb appears to have calmed a little at the innocent description of Philippa's crush.

"Mr. Eames."

"Mr. Eames!"

Ariadne finds herself stifling her laughter, both to not offend Philippa and to not further distress Cobb.

"Philippa, sweetheart, Mr. Eames is not your boyfriend."

"But daddy, Mr. Eames _is_ my boyfriend!"

"Mr. Eames likes tywannosaurus rex. I asked him." James' innocent aside isn't enough to distract his father from his distress.

With surprising gentleness and calm, Cobb asks, "Philippa, what makes you think Mr. Eames is your boyfriend?"

"Because. Remember when we went to that fair where all the people dressed in fairytale clothes and they talked funny?"

"You mean the Renaissance Fair?"

"Yeah. I got to be a princess and you and Uncle Arthur and Mr. Yusuf were my knights and you all bowed over my hand. But Mr. Eames didn't; he said he was too handsome to be a knight and that he would be my prince. And then he kissed my hand and said I was the prettiest princess at the fair!"

"Sweetheart, that doesn't make him your boyfriend. Besides, he's too old for you."

"But we shared an ice cream, too! Just like Ariadne and Uncle Arthur did, and they're boyfriend and girlfriend! And I remember Uncle Arthur said there shouldn't be any ice cream at the fair because there wasn't any ice cream in the Renaissance times. And then Mr. Eames made a funny face and told him to stop being a stick in the mud and Uncle Arthur got mad, but Ariadne hugged Uncle Arthur and then they kissed and Uncle Arthur wasn't mad anymore."

"Wow, you have a very good memory Philippa," Ariadne laughs.

"Yeah, I know," Philippa replies. And then after a beat, asks, "Ariadne, does Uncle Arthur love you because you don't care if he's a stick in the mud?"

The question takes Ariadne completely by surprise, not because the little girl thinks Arthur is a stick in the mud, but because she assumes Arthur loves her when neither one of them has ever mentioned the 'L' word before.

Sure, they've been dating for several months now, but if she were to be honest she never thought they'd make it this long, let alone that love would play any part in their relationship. She had always figured Arthur was just having fun while he could, that he didn't want anything serious.

And she…well, what woman in her right mind would say no to Arthur, even if she knew it wouldn't be for forever?

That's not to say that the idea that she may have feelings of…love for Arthur, and that he may feel the same for her, hasn't crossed her mind.

They have always enjoyed each other's company, aside from the sex. And they've gotten to know each other quite well within these last several months. She's learned that Arthur isn't nearly as reserved and closed off as she initially thought he was when they had first met during the Fischer job; nor is he the 'stick in the mud' that Eames, and apparently Philippa, claim he is. There are facets to his personality that he allows her to see when they are alone—a gentle and caring nature that he doesn't allow while he's working.

It's in those quiet moments, when there is no job and it's just the two of them that she lets herself believe that what she and Arthur have could be more.

But the fact of the matter is Arthur has never mentioned love before.

Except last night. But he didn't mean anything by it. Did he?

"Uncle Arthur and I…" How is she supposed to explain her relationship with Arthur to a little girl when she can't even explain it to herself?

"I think so." Philippa continues matter-of-factly. "He smiles and laughs a lot more now. That's what people do when they're in love with someone. Ariadne, when you and Uncle Arthur get married, can I be the flower girl? When Janie's big sister got married, she got—

"Alright, Philippa, that's enough talk about boyfriends and weddings." Turning to her with an apologetic look, Cobb asks, "Ariadne, can you take James to the bathroom to wash his hands? Philippa and I will finish cleaning up here. Then when we're done we'll all go into the living room to watch 'The Land Before Time' and eat the cookies you guys made. How does that sound?"

Both Ariadne and James are grateful for this news.

"Yay!" James climbs down his chair and grabs Ariadne's hand, eagerly dragging her away. His excited chatter about Littlefoot is a welcome distraction from her previous thoughts.


	5. Three Simple Words

Rating: **R **for language and adult themes (sex)

Disclaimers: I do not own Inception or How I Met Your Mother

* * *

><p>Chapter 5: Three Simple Words<p>

By the time Cobb's mother-in-law returns from her knitting circle the children are already sleeping soundly in bed, but not before Philippa had her hair braided, James announced every part of the movie as his favorite, Cobb patiently explained that Mr. Eames was not a suitable boyfriend for anyone, and Ariadne had eaten nearly a dozen oddly-shaped chocolate chip cookies.

"Thanks for coming tonight. The kids really like having you over," Cobb says as he drives Ariadne back to her apartment.

"And I really like those little rascals," Ariadne smiles. "Thanks for inviting me."

"And I'm sorry if Philippa made you uncomfortable with all her questions about you and Arthur."

Ariadne stares at the plate of cookies that Philippa insisted she save for Arthur. She's about to deny Cobb's claim but remembers all too clearly how grateful she had been when he interrupted his daughter's request to be in her and Arthur's wedding. "I'll admit I was surprised by her…observations, but I know she's just curious. I just hadn't realized she knew so much about boyfriends and girlfriends."

"Neither did I," Cobb sighs. "And she's only seven. I don't even want to think about what she's going to know when she's seventeen!"

"Then I'll spare you some grief and refrain from telling you what I knew and did at that age." Ariande laughs at Cobb's grimace, secretly glad he didn't press the issue of her and Arthur. "At least she won't still have a crush on Eames then. Probably." Cobb frowns darkly and this time Ariadne contains her amusement.

"A father has enough worries when he raises a daughter. Throwing Eames into the mix is asking too much." His shoulders slump, and Ariadne's almost certain he's revisiting the convent idea from the other night.

"You're going to be fine, Cobb." Ariadne places a reassuring hand on his knee. "In fact, I was quite impressed with how you handled her little infatuation with our dear forger. You were firm, yet patient and gentle. She listened to you. Even though she's young, I think she knows you're just looking out for her best interests because you love her."

"I'm really glad you said that." Cobb pulls the car over and Ariadne looks out the windows realizing they've stopped too early to be at her apartment.

With a frown, she says, "This isn't my building." Examining the area more closely, a suspicious feeling comes over her. "Why did you bring me here?"

"I brought you to Arthur's apartment because I know you haven't seen him all day and that you miss him terribly. And because if you don't see him tonight I'm afraid of what's going to happen on my desk tomorrow when everyone else but you two go out to lunch!"

She smiles at the likelihood of her and Arthur having sex on Cobb's desk. Again.

"But what if I don't want to get out of the car and insist that you take me home?"

Cobb shakes his head and smiles. "I'm kicking you out of the car. And don't think you can walk home or take a taxi or something. I'm not going to have Arthur yell at me for not personally making sure you got home safely."

"What if _I_ just yell at you instead?"

Cobb's grin is confident. "You're not going to. You know why? Because deep down you know I'm right and you're glad—though you won't admit it to me out loud—I brought you here because this is where you want to be. Plus, I'm giving you an excuse for being here so Arthur won't be mad at you; not that he would, necessarily. Now get out of the car, please."

"You're lucky I like you and your kids." It's as much of an admission as she's going to make that Cobb is absolutely right.

Unbuckling her seatbelt, Ariadne steps out of the car and into the chilly night. Before she shuts the door she leans down and says, "You've got the firm part down pat. But your patient and gentle needs a little work."

"I used up all my patience and gentleness trying to explain Eames to Philippa."

"Fair enough, but just to be clear, I'm going up there because I want to and not because you made me. You're Philippa and James' father, not mine."

"You're right, I'm not your father, but I am your friend. And as your friend I'm telling you to go up to that apartment and get laid. For my desk's sake."

"I don't think your desk minds." Ariadne laughs and turns to walk into the building.

She's stopped by Cobb yelling out the window.

"I'm serious about the getting laid part! Neither one of you are to come into work until you do. And if you have to, I heard The Naked Man can get it done!" Ariadne rolls her eyes as Cobb drives off with those parting words.

But as she makes her way up to Arthur's apartment, the idea of pulling The Naked Man, or The Naked Woman in her case, worms its way into her head and squats there like an unwanted houseguest. By the time she uses her spare key to enter the apartment she's feeding the idea breakfast in bed.

She's going to do it!

Entering the darkened apartment Ariadne switches on the lights and walks into the kitchen to place the plate of cookies on the kitchen table. Unsure of how exactly to go about pulling off The Naked Woman, she unwraps the plastic off the plate and grabs a cookie. Taking a bite, she mulls over the different ways she can 'present' herself to Arthur. Sure, being stark naked will be surprising in itself, but she can't just stand in the middle of his living room in the nude, waiting for him. She can go to the bedroom and position herself temptingly on the bed. No, that somehow doesn't seem spontaneous enough. She can sit all prim and proper-like on the couch, reading a book. No, that doesn't feel right either. Maybe she should put on his cooking apron and pretend to have just baked the cookies. No, that's stupid, and besides, she wouldn't be _completely_ naked, which is the key to the whole move.

Glancing at her watch she notices the late hour and makes the decisive decision to just strip down and go for it. Without giving it a second thought, she quickly removes each article of clothing. Arthur could arrive at any moment and she doesn't want to waste the opportunity of complete surprise by being fully dressed. That thought makes her laugh out loud as she unclasps her bra and shimmies out of her underwear.

Standing bare-ass naked in Arthur's kitchen feels a bit naughty, but also very liberating. Congratulating herself on her nerve, she picks up the plate of cookies and takes a big bite out of one. At the same time she hears a click sound behind her.

"Ariadne?"

With cookie in mouth and plate in hand, she turns to face Arthur. He obviously had just woken up as he's in his underwear and his hair is tousled from sleep. Normally, that would be a welcomed sight, but the Glock he's pointing directly at her kills the effect.

"Donshoo!" she mumbles reflexively around a mouth full of cookie.

Arthur lowers his gun, his eyes wide and unmistakably focused on her naked body. "What are you…why…?"

It had occurred to Ariadne—only moments after finding her boyfriend pointing a gun at her while she stands bare-naked in his kitchen holding onto a plate of cookies—that this situation is more than absurd. But it's also the absurdity of standing completely naked in her boyfriend's kitchen holding a plate of cookies and being gawked at that allows her to offer up the plate and cheekily ask, "Can I interest you in a brontosaurus-shaped chocolate chip cookie?"

But when Arthur silently turns around and reenters his bedroom, all bravado dies and Ariadne starts to feel delayed mortification.

"Oh my god, what am I doing?"

Setting the cookies down, she grabs her clothes off the floor and is about to tug them back on when Arthur returns. Thankfully, the only thing he's holding in his hand this time is his red die.

"This is reality," he says, unbelievingly.

Clutching her clothes to herself, Ariadne offers a hesitant smile. "I'm pretty sure this is as real as I can get."

Her words bring his focus back down to her partially covered body. "Ariadne, what …" It's clear he's still having trouble processing what he's seeing.

Or maybe not. His obvious semi-arousal at her now semi-nude state is not only flattering, but fuels her confidence.

"I'm doing The Naked Wo_man_." She drops her clothes on the floor. "Holding a plate of cookies," she adds with a small smile, grabbing the plate of cookies.

"The Naked Woman. That you are." His gaze remains focused on her body.

"Holding a plate of cookies," she repeats when he continues to stare.

"Mmm-hmm."

Smiling widely, Ariadne sets the plate aside and makes her way over to the now very literal point man. This was easier than she thought.

"I take it you like what you see."

This close, Arthur is forced to raise his eyes to meet hers. "When have I not?"

That closes the rest of the gap between them as Ariadne wraps her arms around Arthur's neck and pulls him down close. Her happiness at being here with him is bursting out through every fiber of her being, but she can only manage to whisper that she missed him.

Pulling her even closer, he smiles down gently and it's all she can do to stay on her feet. "It's only been a day since we last saw each other."

"I know, but I still missed you."

That brings his lips down to hers for a gentle kiss. "I missed you, too."

Brining his head down to hers again, she kisses him soundly, smiling against his mouth when his hands start to wander down to her backside.

"I think we both miss something else, too." Breaking away, she tugs on his hand and easily leads him back to the bedroom. "Looks like you're going to have to apologize to Eames. The Naked Man does work; or rather The Naked Woman works."

Ariadne's words stop Arthur, and consequently her, in his tracks. She turns around to see a disapproving frown on his face.

"Is that why you did this? To prove Eames right?"

The censure in his voice catches her off-guard. "No. Actually, I hadn't even thought to try it until Cobb—

"_Cobb_ told you to do this?"

Arthur releases her hand and once again she feels stupid for stripping down, especially since she's starting to feel cold.

"Cobb may have mentioned it, but he didn't make me do anything. I wasn't even going to try The Naked Man until…"

"Until what?"

His sudden annoyance is making her annoyed. On top of that, she's wishing she weren't naked right now. Nudity doesn't seem appropriate for the conversation that suddenly seems necessary.

Purposefully, she walks to his closet and pushes around some hangers to find some of the clothes she's left behind from past visits.

"I wasn't going to try The Naked Man until I realized it may be just what I need to get you to stop avoiding me."

The suddenly ridiculous amount of his own wardrobe adds to her annoyance and in frustration she grabs one of his dress shirts, slips it on, and haphazardly buttons a few buttons. The long sleeves have to be rolled up to make putting her hands on her hips look more effective.

"And judging by just a few moments ago, it was working like a charm!"

"I…I haven't been avoiding you. I've been busy. Working." He looks away when he says this but she sees that some of his annoyance has dissipated.

"Since when have you been so busy that you can't call and tell me where you are? And that last call doesn't count," she adds as he starts to interrupt. "I know that something's been bothering you. Did you really think I believed you had a headache last night?"

He has the decency to look sheepish.

"Is it because of Eames? Is it The Naked Man? Is that really what you're upset about?"

"No. No, it's not that. That's not what's bothering me."

At least he confirms her suspicions about being bothered by something. "Then what is it? Tell me."

He looks at her then, and she can see the hesitation in his eyes. But there's something else there too, she thinks. Something more…hopeful.

"Do you really want to know?"

"I came all the way here, snuck into your apartment, stripped off my clothes, _and had a gun pointed at me_. So yes, I'd like to know what is bothering you."

"It's that list."

"That list? You mean 'Fifty Reasons To Sleep With Someone'? That was a joke. Wait a minute, you aren't upset because you didn't contribute to the list, are you?" She'll be shocked if Eames is right about that.

"As I recall, I did contribute to the list, in the form of featuring in many of the items."

"So you're mad at me because I volunteered all that information about when we have sex?"

"I'm not mad at you. I mean, I'm not thrilled that the guys know that we have sex while waiting for cookies to finish baking. It's just…those reasons…they were so shallow and meaningless."

"Yeah, but it wasn't a serious list. Even Eames admitted that. I mean c'mon. Do you really believe he thinks sleeping with someone to counteract a voodoo spell is even a viable option? He was just joking, you know that. We all were."

"I wasn't."

His confession gives her pause.

"I did make a contribution."

Love. Love was his reason.

Her heart beats a little faster.

"In a way, I guess I am upset that my contribution didn't make the list. I was hoping that you'd include it because it was one of our reasons. That you love me, too."

"Too?" It's all she can manage. Her heart is threatening to beat out of her chest.

Slowly, Arthur makes his way over to her. "I…I love you, Ariadne." He reaches out, a bit hesitantly, to one of her hands. "I love how fearless and curious you are—and smart. I love your sympathy and empathy for everyone you meet. I even love how messy and disorganized you are when you're working—

"I have a system," she smiles, her heart expanding with every word he's saying.

—and that you think you have a system for it," he smiles back. "I love how you always find it necessary to censure Eames any time he calls me a stick in the mud. And I love when you smile up at me like I can't do anything wrong. I love being with you."

"Arthur…"

"I know that list was a joke, but when you started listing reasons why…I guess I was disappointed that being in love never crossed your mind as one of the reasons why we sleep together. Why we're together."

"I'm sorry if I gave you that impression," she looks him straight in the eye. "Because that's far from the truth. I love you, too."

His smile threatens to erupt into a full blown grin. She wraps her arms around his waist and looks up with her own bright smile.

"I love being with you, Arthur. I love how there's a side of you that no one gets to see but me. I love how confident you are and how caring you can be. I love that you've been such a good friend to Cobb for so long, and that you pretend to be exasperated by all of Eames' silliness—

"I'm not pretending," he frowns.

—and I love that your wardrobe is bigger and more fastidious than mine and that you're a big grouch before you've had your morning coffee. I just…love you, Arthur."

"I love you."

The kiss they share next, in her opinion, is one of their best ones. It trumps their sneaky little peck in the second layer dream—which she loves by virtue of it being their first kiss and an exhilarating surprise—as her favorite because it arose from such absurd yet romantic circumstances.

"So, I take it this becomes number fifty-one on your list," Arthur manages after they collapse as a heap on the bed.

She smiles as he starts to unbutton her shirt—his shirt.

"It's number fifty-one, number one, and all numbers in between." She leans into him for a long kiss. "It's the only reason that matters."


	6. Two Out Of Three Times, Guaranteed

Rating: **R **for language and adult themes (sex)

Disclaimers: I do not own Inception or How I Met Your Mother

**Author's Greeting: **Thanks again to everyone who read and reviewed. :)

* * *

><p>Chapter 6: Two Out Of Three Times, Guaranteed<p>

Arthur awakens the next day to the bright light of late morning and a completely naked Ariadne standing by the doorway, holding a plate of cookies and a mug of coffee.

"Good morning. It's good to see you up. In more ways than one." She sets the plate and mug down on the night table next to him and cheekily picks up a cookie. She smirks at him while she takes a bite.

Arthur takes a quick glance at the little tent a certain part of his anatomy has created with the bed sheet. Smiling, he reaches out and pulls Ariadne to him, who falls into him in a shower of laughter and cookie crumbs.

"I guess I do owe Eames an apology," he smiles as he removes the cookie from her hand and proceeds to render her senseless.

* * *

><p>By the time the two lovers make it into the workshop, it's nearly noon.<p>

"We're sorry we're late, but it couldn't be helped!" Ariadne announces loudly as she and Arthur enter the building. "Hello? Is anyone here?"

To their surprise they encounter an empty workshop.

"Where is everybody?" she wonders out loud.

Arthur checks his notebook. "I don't know. There isn't anything planned on the agenda today. Everyone should be here."

"It's so quiet and empty in here," Ariadne remarks, taking a look around. And then a mischievous smile appears on her face. "Speaking of a quiet and empty workshop," she grabs Arthur's arm, "let's do it on Yusuf's workbench."

"Ariadne, we shouldn't." Though his words are a protest, he allows himself to be dragged, rather easily, to Yusuf's workspace.

"C'mon. Besides, I kind of promised Cobb we wouldn't do it on his desk. At least not today."

"Good morning! I'm sorry I'm late! What are you guys doing at my station?"

Yusuf enters the workshop with a spring in his step but stops as he curiously eyes the two who break apart from their kiss.

"Uh, we were…looking for you! We just got here ourselves."

"Yeah, uh, where's Cobb and Eames?"

"Beats me." Yusuf shrugs. "I wish I had known everyone was coming in late today. I would have grabbed a cup of coffee before I got here."

"Why are you running late?" Ariadne asks, before gasping. "Is it because your date with Laila went well last night?"

Yusuf smiles as he fiddles with the workshop coffeemaker. "Yeah. It went really well."

An excited little noise escapes Ariadne as she claps her hands. "Well, tell us all about it! I want to know all about the girl who's going to be part of the couple we're going to double date with!"

"Double date? Oh, no, that's going to happen. Laila and I aren't seeing each other again."

"But I thought you said the date went really well."

"It did. But it turns out she hates cats. That's a deal breaker for me!" Yusuf clarifies when Ariadne and Arthur both stare at him blankly.

"Okay. So was it an amicable break-up that saved the date?" Arthur asks, confused by Yusuf's cheerful whistling.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. Once I realized we had no future together I decided to try The Naked Man. It totally worked! And then, after a night of some really good sex, we both agreed we had a good time and then we went our separate ways."

"Wow, good for you, I think," Ariadne contributes, uncertainly.

"Yeah, I know, right?" Yusuf looks more than pleased with himself as he turns to Arthur. "And listen, before you start telling me how stupid The Naked man is, and what a rotten human being I am, and how I don't have any integrity—

"I'm not going to say that Yusuf. You're none of those things. And, for the record, I don't think The Naked Man is stupid; at least, not anymore."

"Oh yeah, what changed your mind?"

"The Naked Woman," Ariadne answers, beaming from ear to ear.

That elicits a laugh and a high five from Yusuf. "Way to go! The Naked Woman. That's got to work every time. Did you strike a pose when you did it?"

"A pose?"

"Yeah. Like, I did the, 'Aren't I impressive down there?' pose." Yusuf demonstrates by widening his stance, placing his hands on his hips, and smirking confidently. "It looks much better when I'm naked."

"We believe you Yusuf. No need for further demonstration," Arthur says to stop any further display.

"So what did you do?"

"Well, I offered Arthur cookies."

"I bet you did." Yusuf's eyes zoom in on her chest.

"Yusuf, I'm beginning to change my mind about what a rotten human being you are," Arthur threatens.

Yusuf holds up his hands in surrender and returns to his coffee making. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have stared. Take it easy, it's not like I was going to have sex on my coworker's workbench, or anything like that." He raises a knowing eyebrow at the couple's direction. "You guys need to work on being more believable in your excuses."

"Don't tell me they were at it again! The last thing I want to hear is that those two were doing it on my desk!"

This comes from an exasperated Cobb who has entered the workshop with Eames following right behind him and looking a little worse for wear.

"Where have you two been?"

"Well, I _was_ at home in bed sleeping soundly until I got a phone call from Mr. Bright Idea here," Cobb points to Eames, "…who, surprise, surprise, needed me to bail his ass out of jail."

"What happened?" It's Ariadne who asks, but based on her amusement while asking, she's already guessed.

"Turns out my date was as uptight as your boyfriend and did not appreciate seeing me in all my naked glory, lounging on her couch. She then starts screaming bloody murder and her neighbor, who just so happens to be a policeman, comes over and detains me on the spot. I get charged with a lewd act, spend the night in jail, and then spend all morning calling my _friends_—none of whom picked up—to come get me. Except for Cobb, did you all have your mobiles off?"

"We probably did. It's only common courtesy when you're engaged in a _successful _attempt of The Naked Man. It kind of kills the mood when the phone rings in the middle of it, don't you think?"

"What? You bloody bastard! You did it? It worked? With Laila?" Forgetting his own ordeal, Eames walks over and congratulates Yusuf.

"Yes, thank you, I acknowledge that my Naked Man is more impressive than yours," Yusuf laughs. "But I'm not the only one you should congratulate. It worked for these two as well."

Eames stands mouth agape as he turns towards Arthur and Ariadne. "Well, well." He walks over to gloat in Arthur's face. "So who's stupid now?"

"Yeah, I'm the stupid one because I was having sex while you were getting arrested for lewd behavior," Arthur replies sarcastically.

"Be that as it may, who was right about The Naked Man? Me!" Eames crows. "My genius deserves to be celebrated properly! To the bar!"

"It's barely noon! And we have work to do!" Cobb, ever the voice of reason, steps in.

Eames walks over and places his arm around him. "Dear Cobb. Do you not understand what has just happened here? The Naked Man is bigger than all of us. By the sum of our parts, we are all just men. But what we do with those parts—

"Can get you arrested." Cobb shrugs off Eames' arm. "Let's get to work."

The teams disperses except for Arthur and Eames.

"For what it's worth, I'll admit you were right," Arthur offers with a smug smile which Eames is immediately suspicious of. "The Naked Man does work _most_ of the time. _Two_ out of three times, guaranteed."


End file.
